Her.

I think about her smile and I realize how much it hurts to be left in the dust with nothing left but a memory. I lost her in two phases. The first began when the words started to lose all their meaning, when she stopped looking at me like she loved me with every breath in her body. These were the subtle things. The things that you don’t completely realize are happening as they pass by. The next phase was the one that hurt. When text messages went unanswered, when distance started to fill the room, and empty words started to roll off her tongue like “I love you” always had before. She had always been everything I wanted and I didn’t know what to do with myself after she was gone. She had always been the tether that kept me grounded, the comforting embrace that I needed at the end of the day, and the happiness I could always count on. The first love is always the best and always hurts the most. I knew she wanted to move on to better things with less damaged people, but the thought of letting her walk away from me left knives in the throat. I held on for dear life as the ship began to sink, but the will for her to leave was stronger than my grasp begging her to stay. Now the memory that’s left leaves the worst taste in my mouth, but I still can’t help but think about her smile.