Here I Am Again

And here i am once again

Wondering if i'm even worth it

If this is a battle I can't win

Maybe i should just give up

I've been here before

Wrapping strings around my neck

Collecting pills and testing knifes

I didn't do it then

And i know i shouldn't now

It's just that i feel so hopeless

Like it wouldn't matter if i did leave

Because what's the point of me being here anyways?

I don't even know who I am anymore

A star that faded to a black hole

Just a shell of who I used to be

The medications don't make it better

The therapy doesn't take the pain away

I'm still imprisoned by my mind

Still trying to tear the flesh of my bones

I'm still carving words and patterns into my arm

The only difference is I no longer call it self-harm

It's just a way of expressing myself

A way of dulling the pain

A sort of escape

From the thoughts that torment me

Telling me nobody would care if I left today

So here i am again

Standing on a ladder with a rope in my hand

Wondering if anyone would notice 

If i took my life away.