The Heterosexual Advice Poem
To all straight people:
- First: When I look at a future lover, I don't want you and your judgmental laser beam eyes to look back at me. This is not your life, this is mine. I'm taking it back.
- Second: Don't ask who “the man” or “the woman” is in my relationship. The way he and I might fold into one another like lawn chairs or silly putty is none of your damn business, and if we wanted you to join we would invite you in.
- Third: I should not be scared to fall in love. The way I should fall in love should be rainbows and sun falling on me, my mind not being able to think of anything else--it should not be chainsaws and torture, pulling my mind and body limb from limb.
- Fourth: No I do not know your gay cousin, teacher, or friend. We are not all in a big gay group chat exchanging phone numbers and talking about how horrible your fashion sense is. You are not that big and part of my life.
- Fifth: When you try to set me up with random guys who you met very quickly, you are squeezing us all into a tupperware box category that we do not all fit into and, trust me, it is getting a little crowded in here.
- Sixth: No I never had a grindr account, no I don't want one.
- Seventh: Why do you need to know the sixth one?
- Eighth: Why am I a waiter at a diner serving you so many pieces of my heart?
- Ninth: I would consider myself a shape-shifter. I am myself when I feel safe enough to be so. I am not myself when I know I am in places I might be killed for it. So, thank you for that.
- Tenth: Just because you have gay friends doesn't make you any less homophobic. Remember, you are still the king on this chess board and we are the pawns that use to advance yourself further.
- Eleventh: Do not take this as an offense or an attack. That is not what this is. Because in this narrative I am not the one attacking. We are the three little pigs and you are the big bad wolf, calculating how many blows it would take to knock over our safe haven, and leave us running to the next one.
- Finally: Despite years of nosing around in this darkness like pests, decades of us being kicked out of our houses like rusty tools and worn down shoes, like we were not good enough to be kept any longer, all being caused solely by you, I wish you never feel this way. That is not what I have been taught. I have been taught to respect everyone and that everyone is special. Everyone is a snowflake, rain drop, stars in the sky, piece of bubblegum lollipop candy, we are all special, we are all wanted. Maybe that is the lesson you need to learn.
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