Hi daddy

I'm doing fine without you, just in case you were wondering. Your granddaughter asks about you all the time, in case you were wondering about that too. Shes almost 4 now & is more beautiful than the last time you saw her - which I didnt even know was possible. I look at her & could never imagine not having her in my life. How do you do it? How do you sleep peacefully not knowing how one of your kids is doing? How do you respond to family & friends when they ask how I'm doing? Because I know they're asking. I've spent my entire life trying to figure out why we're like this, why we have this awkward relationship. After 24 years of wondering, I'm finally done. To be honest, I've always blamed myself for the nature of our relationship. I've always thought that if I do a little bit better in life, you'll finally be proud of me. Youd finally love me the way I wanted you to. No daughter should ever have to think that way. I know you love me, you just dont really know how to show it. I'm not sure if that's due to your childhood or not. I just know that after 27 years of being a father, it's not an excuse anymore. It's not like you're states away anymore. You live 15 minutes up the street. I vow to never put my children through what I've had to go through. Even as alike as we are, I still fell very very far from the tree. My daughter will never have to wonder her worth, I'm always going to put her first. I'll never break her heart by making her wonder "why arent I good enough." I'll always be there for her - even when she doesnt want me to be. If me getting pregnant for the second time, unwed once again, was the straw that broke the camel's back, I'm not going to apologize. As unplanned as your grandson was, hes brought a new outlook on life for me just like your granddaughter did. His father and I will be okay. We both have good jobs. He loves your granddaughter as if shes his genetic offspring. & all though there isnt a ring on my finger, hes vowed to love & protect the 3 of us for the rest of our lives. These are all things that you should be proud of, happy for. And I'm very very sorry that you're not. Despite not being close with you for my entire life, I've turned out okay, daddy. I'm a bright young lady with a fire that's hard to extinguish once lit. I will make something of myself & my children are always going to be taken care of, with or without you in their life. All I've been trying to do my whole life is make you proud & I'm very sorry that all I've accomplished in my 24 years isnt enough to do that. However, if age has taught me anything its that pleasing people doesnt get them to stay. You have to want to stay. You have to stick around because you want to. Those decisions are only ones that you can make. I'm very sorry if this causes you anger or any hurt, should you ever read it. That is not my intention at all. I want you to find peace & happiness, as well as true love. I want us to one day put our differences aside & stand by one another in peace & happiness. Either way, I'm going to be okay. Your baby girl is going to conquer the world one day, with or without you in my life.