Hi, I'm Broken

Dear World,

“Hey, how are you?” “.....I’m Fine” Oh such an easy lie that slips off my tongue as easy as water rushes down a mountainside. These two small words can hide a life full of pain and brokenness that could only be uncovered if someone would simply care. I say these words to escape the agonizing conversation of “Tell me what's wrong”. Oh if you only knew what hid behind my mask of glass that could shatter into a million pieces with a simple small tap. You see my mask has many cracks for the pains seeping through but I mend it and mend it so no one may see my pain too.

I tell a story for the world pretty girl, pretty happy girl, pretty happy caring girl but what if I didn’t. What if I shared the real story. My story would say, sad girl, sad broken girl, sad broken lonely girl. You see the truth isn't always easy. By now you would rather me keep the mask on hiding my fears and struggles from the world for you do not truly care, you only say you do to be polite. If you cared you would look into the one part that my crystal glass mask does not cover and ask the question “are you okay?”. As you ask this I respond with a yes for that is the answer that I know you truly want. As you stare into my eyes you see the nights I have spent sitting in my closet begging on my knees pleading for God to end this pain that I try so hard to hide. You would see the days I go without eating because how can I think of food when I am constantly reminding myself to push away the pain, simply ignore it. You would see the times my mask has shattered leaving me in a heap on the school bathroom floor yelling at myself to put the pieces back together just one more time, please, I’m begging you.You would hear the soundtrack of my mind, worthless, dumb, broke, waste of space, pathetic, embarrassment, lonely. This soundtrack plays on repeat all day never stopping even for night.The voices in my head tell me what are you worrying for darling for you are already dead. For they see the girl all full of light but not the girl that cries at night. They see the girl with a group of friends but not the girl that fights the demons within. They see the girl that helps others but not the one that truly suffers. They see the girl that never gives up but not the girl that’s had enough. They see the girl with flawless skin but not the girl who has flaws within. They see the girl all dressed up nice but not the one the one that wants to end her life. I wish they could see me but how can they when I don’t make it easy. I wish they understood but how can they, no one could. I wish they could shatter this precious glass mask but if they did they would be stabbed with the shards of what's left leaving you feeling the same deep pain that I feel every waking second of my life. If only there was a way to know my pain without getting hurt. Then they could truly see me, then they would understand, then they would be aware of my brokenness. Then they would see that I’m not just a pretty girl, pretty happy girl, pretty happy caring girl. I'm a sad girl, sad broken girl, sad broken lonely girl. "Hi, how are you?" "Hi, I'm broken."