Hiding

There's this place

I think it's pretty hidden

so far I've been right

but people are trying to get in

It's an easy place for me to find

I spend most of my time there

It's dark

and lonely

and safe

and mine

all mine

Not many things are mine 

but this place

it doesn't belong to anyone else

and if they come

I must leave

It's the sort of place

where dreams don't exist

just nightmares

like dreams that can't be happy

they seem happy

but they're not

and when I realize that

I can't do anything

screaming does no good

crying doesn't help

I just sit there numb

and talk to the voices

This place is full of them

all saying different things

leading me this way and that

telling me 'yes' and 'no'

pulling me up and throwing me down

they never stop

they circle around me

bouncing off the walls

but it feels safe that way

like they're sealing me off

from the world outside

from the things I can't handle

And the voices are me

everyone single one

they sound like other people

but when I listen closely

I can hear my voice

in each and every word

it’s lonelier with the voices

but when it’s silent

I can’t live

silence is emptiness

the noise is welcome

This place where I am

sometimes I wish I could leave freely

but then I realize that it’s better here

better than out there

I’ve been here for so long

I don’t know how to leave

or get along on the outside

and when the walls fall down

like they must

I may not survive

So please

if you’re knocking

pleading to come in

leave me be

I’m safe here

maybe not happy

but happy is hard

alive is enough

and in this place I’m living

When you try to come in

you scare me

because this is my safe place

no one can say I’m wrong here

no one can hurt me

no one can make me sad

if you reach in

that disappears

and I don’t want that

So if you want to help

let me stay in this dark

lonely place

let me be me

because I can’t leave

and I can’t share this place either

It’s my curse

and my blessing

to hide in this corner of mind