Him

A touch so sweet - the honeysuckle falling from the white petal flower couldn't even compete.

He runs his fingers through my hair and caresses my cheek.

With each fingertip that touches my cold skin, more butterflies grow from within. 

He makes me feel loved, happy.

He makes me feel special and says he loves me and no one else.

He claims he'd do anything for me. 

He'd jump in front of a moving car, or kiss my scars until I was happy again.

A crooked smile and sweetheart persona makes it so difficult to say no.

The caring brown eyes, with specks of green that ooze life, stare back into mine.

He sees my beauty.

He sees my eyes. 

He thinks they're saying, "Oh how in love I am with you," all the time, but how rarely they do.

For he does not know, that behind my brown eyes, there are tears waiting to escape from within.

My eyes - they're screaming at you. The reflection that dances off the gloss of a fresh tear say, "I'm hurting, notice me."

As he stares into my eyes, he can sense the pain. 

And when he asks me those three stupid words I learned how to avoid,

I give him an answer without noise, "Yes, I am okay."

But he knows the truth.

He knows that I've been hurting for too long.

He hurts me with his words, each one sharper than the next, thrown into me like a danger. 

And I try to see past it and focus on the beautiful love he and I have created.

But I can't.

Now when I look into his eyes, the color turns a dark brown, and the green specks that were once full of life, are now full of empty promises.

As I stare, I think, 

"Only if you knew."

"Only if you knew how much you hurt me with your cruel simple words. How I cry myself to sleep. How after you leave me,

I stare out my window at the beautiful blue sky and can't help but cry."

"How when I say 'I love you' I mean it, but can't ignore the massive amount of pain within me."
"How everytime you get your point across it hurts me, it tears at my heart, ripping it seam by seam."
"Oh, how much pain you cause me. This indescribable amount of pain in my chest. How can I feel  so much pain, yet so much joy with you?"

And each time we take our turns trying to yell louder than the last, somehow I always swallow my hurt and move on.

The pain suffocates me, it immobilizes me, starves me. But something about you, something about those eyes. Oh, those eyes.

The green specks of life always shine through, and when the warm touch of your hand comes in contact, my whole body glows the color of the evening sunshine peaking through the window shades and calmly resting where it wants. 

For it is he that causes me pain, for it is him that shows me, love.