For Him, I Almost Had

Do you know how hard it is?

To go through every day

Feeling like you can smell it?

I can tell it

Longs to be back into her lungs.

Her mouth is straight

When she talks and her plate

Is empty and her weight is dropping.

And her excuse is stress.

But she gets no rest. Sure she sleeps but she can’t relax. Her mind

Has been left behind and no one seems to notice.

She’ll just smile

Just for a while every day she’ll walk down the aisles with her peers

And her friends cheer her on “you’re amazing” she already knows this.

She hears it every day.

She throws her whole heart into what she loves but when it bounces back it’s bruised

And she’s accused of either absolute disaster or utter brilliance.

Resilience is her super power.

Just ignore the bullies and they’ll go away.

Hurray, right? Wrong.

Their words stay super glued to her thoughts

And she ought to forget them but she can’t. Why?

Who knows? She just knows she can’t cry.

“No tears accomplish anything!” her friends and family scream

And she dreams of just being relaxed.

Daydreaming is her hobby.

Especially in the lobby by herself where no one can judge her for thinking

And drinking is a temptation as powerful as a tennis ball to a dog.

But she won’t, she’s still a kid.

In her eyes

Everyone cries for perfection and she can never give enough.

And they say the journey will be tough but how long is it?

This journey feels like a lifetime.

And no one gives a dime about her health.

She’s sinking in overthinking and no one’s there to calm her down.

She’ll drown in alcohol and drugs

If she gets too far. But you know hugs?

By the one person she loves?

They are bliss and she’ll miss them when he lets go.

With him the world makes sense

And not as dense as it was before.

And she’s genuinely happy to the core.

Her heart melts

With his kiss and belts how joyful she is to be with him.

He calms her spirit without trying. Even if they’re just lying

In bed just staring at the ceiling.

Through all her thoughts and wants and questions,

Without even talking he has every answer

Because she’s born a Capricorn

And him, a Cancer.