Hiraeth

There was something about this smile, 
that I once always wore. 
This feeling of happiness, 
that I no longer store. 
I remember when I lost it, 
when my world faded to grey
when the bubbly playful girl
was up and locked away. 
When my hands started to shake, 
in a crowded room. 
When I wished there were pills I could take, 
and no feeling of doom. 
I watched as in front of me
everything began to crumble
how the darkenss crept over
and when the thunder began to rumble. 
When I looked for light inside of me, 
instead of others. 
When did I start believing,
God was nothing but a wonder?