His Innocence

“Be safe ok?”

A gangster said to me

I paid no attention to his loaded strap hidden in the 2nd to last drawer of his dresser

It tells me that i’m making so many wrong decisions

That he can be violent

That he can be dangerous

But he isn’t

He does bad things with good intentions

Does bad things as a way out of his poor circumstances

For respect and power

He told me to be safe

That he loves me

That he really cares about me

He laughed when he talked about fighting people

And putting guns to their heads

And their fear

Because it meant that he was fearless

He told me to be safe

when the people on his hit list were breaking into his house

Ready to kill a kid with a future that wouldn’t have consisted of crime

Ready to kill a kid that cares about his family

Ready to kill the last of his innocence

Because they’ve got a hit list too

He cried about his abusive dad

And his heartless siblings

and the nieces and nephews he wasn’t allowed to see because he couldn’t pay the rent at 16

And His blind mom that couldn’t see his bruised knuckles and stab wounds

But could smell the number of beer bottles he drank

And the number of pills he took

And could feel the wet spots on her shirt when he laid his head on her shoulder

while he told her about how badly he was being treated

And how badly he wanted to come home

How badly he wanted to make her happy

To make himself happy

But all his hopes were always lost in everyone else’s

He told me that it’s not safe

And that we should go away

but our world’s are so different

The gravity of death doesn’t keep mine in orbit

Nor does violence

i don’t have to run away from someone else’s problems

So I stayed silent

Kept quiet

He needed help

He needed me--

someone to tell him that he is right to do what he does

But he isn't

His brown eyes, like honey in the sun

staring into mine

His raised charcoal eyebrows and soft face

Why?