His Touch

As he stood there

 In my presence

I tremble with fear

Who is he?

And why did he make me tremble

Is what my parents wondered

He was a friend

I stuttered to answer

The clouds of fear and paranoia roll in

Even though he looks different 

He smells different

His voice is different

His presenece still sends a shiver down my spine

The memory of his touch opens up the cuts 

As he approaches me

I can't catch my breath

I start to panic 

I try and keep calm

I try not to let him notice

Maybe if I act unfazed 

If I act as if I don't feel like dying

He'll stop right?

Is what I thought

The thing he didn't want to 

He wanted me

He wanted me to know he had power

He wanted me even more when I put up a fight          

 But not for love

 Not to just be a friend

Not for laughter 

But for his guilty pleasure

Even if I didn't want him

 He didn't care who was around

 He didn't care where he put his hands

 And he sure as hell didn't care when I pulled away from him

 As days go by without his touch piercing my skin

 I catch a bit of fresh air

 Freedom of not wanting to cut off every part of my body he had touched

 In a way I thought he'd surrender 

 But no 

 I was wrong

I was being looked at as if I were bait

He just wanted to wait

Wait for when I felt free 

Then he swooped in 

Taking my innooncencce

 Leaving me stranded

In the dark

It's ok I'm fine he'll stop is what I keep on thinking

The feeling he had given 

Used to sting like a cold blade to the skin 

Eventually you get used to the feeling right?

Feeling that your just on earth for a someone's pleasure

 Wether it's conesual or non consensual

 Everyday was just a broken record

  Just being repeated   

 Now when I see youu

My heart skips a beat       

 And I hate to admit it 

 But I accept my defeat 

  You won

 You took away my sunshine                     

You took away my purity

Leaving me trembling 

Leaving me running in fear

Searching for 

The heart you took

The innonecence you stole

A way to hide the scars you had left 

I doubt that you know it

Know that it was wrong 

Knew how bad it hurt

Knew how much I cried

But you did 

The sight of your face makes my skin start to burn

But that is what you yeanred 

As your fingertips start to claw into my skin

I ask myself did I fullfill his needs?

Even if I did he wasn't satisfied 

He was selfish no matter how much it hurt me

It didn't matter to him if he was the reason I bleed