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Scared of the what ifs but thats all i seem to live by in fear of being hurt again by empty thoughts and emotionless words from a boy who tells me he loves me but doesn’t know why , and i don’t know how to love but these feelings are indescribable, so i say i love you but how do you expect me to speak when my words are choking me like my mothers hands , like how blood can get stuck at the back of your throat when you’re dying inside like how love can’t cut through the creases of my mouth no matter how wide i open , like how i scream so loud but no one seems to hear me , it just doesn’t seem to work anymore so i say i love you , until i convince myself i can feel infatuation with something other then the drugs , other then the feeling of emptiness when it hits my lungs to remind me only that this feeling of suffocation  is internal and to be thankful to feel anything at all when i feel like nothing but a body when im next to you , so i tell you i love you even though love never had enough space to live here when anxiety occupied my womb like an unwanted baby i am a host to this parasite i cant get rid of but you still tell me you love me even though we’re both dying inside because we were all we had left.