It's like everything is falling

into my lap

onto my lungs

suffocating me

and making me feel the weight

of everything

all at once

drowning

in all the could of beens

should have beens

will bes

unable to escape this ocean raging

grabbing

at my ankles and making me trip

catching me in its unbearable chains

nothing

nothing feels like home

no one feels like home

I am not at home

searching

I'm searching for this thing

that I used to have so abundantly

but hundreds of miles away

and lonely

its running scarce

so I'm running too

in circles,

backwards,

anywhere but forwards

i cant breathe under this weight

in this ocean

caught in these chains

of relentless searching