The honest truth

If I'm completely honest with myself I can say I'm not ok. Is that bad? Is it normal? Well whatever it is I'm through  feeling this way. I play this game every single day and I'm getting tired of it. I smile and laugh but I'm screaming inside. Somedays are good, but somedays I just wish I could disappear and nobody can judge me. I stay strong, I don't break down, but how could I feel this weak? I long for someone to appreciate me and all that I do. I do have great friends I trust and know I can consult to them, but I can't. It's hard to let someone know what's going on in your life. I wish I knew a way to get myself together because no one wants to feel this way. I have no one to run to this time. I can't tell my parents, they wouldn't care. None of my closets friends know how I feel, and I don't quite know why. I'm confident in myself, but then something's makes me feel unpretty. Somedays I just feel like all the make up in the world wouldn't make me feel pretty. I know it shouldn't matter what people think, but for some reason it does and I'm lost. I can manage my feelings to an extent, but I feel like I'm a ballon that people keep blowing problems in and the air is not releasing. Soon enough that ballon is going to burst and everyone will see who I truely am and not who I want them to see me as. An the honest truth is there's no stoping what's coming.