Honor

“Money isn’t everything”

My grandpa once told me

And he would know

He retired three times in his life

He was in the Air Force

He was an air traffic controller

He was a realtor

And he was good at all three

But even when he was forced to fire every single one of his friends

During the strike

Even when those friends threw bricks through his window

And threatened his wife

Even when those friends later asked for money

And he gave them what little he had

Even when he worked every single day

Including weekends

Birthdays

Holidays

And weddings

He still made time for the things that mattered most

His family

He taught me about unions

And how they almost destroyed his life

He taught me about true friends

Who stood up against injustice but also did their jobs

He taught me that in life

You can either work for a boss you like

Or a boss you respect

Work at a job that you love

Or that makes you lots of money

Work with people you trust

Or people you have fun with

And then

After I got older

My grandpa started to change his tune

Or so I thought

In reality

He was just filling in the blanks

As my grandma would later tell me

“Money isn’t everything”

My grandpa used to tell me

But it wasn’t until I was an adult

That he would throw in

“But it sure makes everything a lot easier.”

“You have a responsibility to tell the truth”

My grandma once told me

And she would know

She made a life out of being trusted

She is a mother

She is a grandmother

She is a matriarch

But life isn’t always fair

And sometimes people work too hard

Or don’t get enough credit

When they’ve so rightly deserved it

And sometimes

Sometimes

People just die

So my grandma stood by my grandpa’s side

Through the worst of it

And then some

But she never complained

She never publicly grieved

And she never gave up

They had the perfect marriage

Because it wasn’t perfect

He was always in the doghouse

But she was always giving him the eye

Their marriage was measured by their grandkids

Not by their house

Their marriage was measured by my grandpa’s funeral attendance

Not by how well he did on the stock market

Their marriage was perfect

Because it was all about compromise

And always about truth

My grandpa was accused

After his death

Of thinking he was better than everyone else

To which my grandma said

In a rare uncharacteristic moment

“That’s because he was”

And now I know that what she has always meant to say

But never had the right words to say

Is that “You have a responsibility to tell your truth”

“Your dad and I never would have dated if we had met back in high school”

My mom once told me

She was a party girl

I eventually learned

My brother and I passive-aggressively compete with each other

Every Christmas

And try to one-up each other in terms of presents

“Just be nice to each other”

Is the only thing she ever requests

But that’s too much work

So we usually go material route

A few years back

My brother announced he had won

But I refused to admit defeat

He made her feel old

In a good way

By giving her her first grandchild

So I made her feel young

Again

By going to see Fleetwood Mac live in concert with her

After a guy my age left for about twenty minutes

And returned smelling like weed

She leaned over to him

And yelled

“30 years ago, I would have joined you”

Which put everything into perspective

My dad was a straight arrow

And my mom was a groupie

Only later telling me

She had in fact already seen Fleetwood Mac live in concert

Two dozen times

“Your dad would not have put up with me back in high school”

Is what that story changed to over time

My dad

My dad doesn’t speak a lot

He’s a man of few words

Which is strange to me

Because he was a career salesman

And a good one

And this is still true

Because I don’t think he has ever wavered

On a single thing in his entire life

He takes everything in

His clients are his friends

His neighbors love him

His kids’ friends ask him for advice

And my brother and I?

Our struggles are his

Our celebrations are his

And our hopes and dreams and fears

Are also his

But that’s the burden he signed up for

And he would never complain

He’s got his father’s work ethic

He’s got his mother’s outlook

And he’s got his wife’s resilience

But it wasn’t until he retired

That I truly realized my father has all those things

Not because he’s tough or unshakable

He has all those qualities

Because those are the people who made him

Who he is

And remind him

Every single day

That he needed to instill those traits

In his sons

Which

God willing

He’s not done doing yet