Hope

It almost feels as if I'm drowning.

Reaching for a line that never gave me the chance to tug at it.

So, here I remain.

Adrift in the water looking for just one little worm at the end of a hook

Hope, is what it really was.

Too bad Id never taste that either - or so I thought.

After a while you get tired of treading.

What if the water beneath held a more promising future than if I swam to shore?

Go back to wearng that same fake smile I put on every morning.

As I take my clothes off the hanger I can't help but to take that bright smile off as well.

Wear it just as I do the rest of my clothing because beneath that I am naked, exposed even.

For some reson that bright smile always catches my eye.

So of course, I never fail to put it on.

And mascarade around like it's real, as real as my love.

Love for everyone.

Everyone but who matters.

Me.

Still treadng I see a flicker in the water.

This can't be the hope I've been craving.

I swam towards it, and to my surprise a little worm dangles at the end of a hook, taunting me.

Everything I've ever wanted right in front of me.

I should be happy.

Should't I?

This is now my stance in life.

Not longer putting on the smie.

It became whole, it became me.

One day I looked in the mirror in the morning and the smile was on.

Like I had put it on in my sleep and forgotten about it.

Or maybe it was more real than I lead on all those years ago.

Now, my confidence mocks me.

My smile attatched and unable to move.

Wait, back to the worm.

I grab at it and get realed in.

For what feels like centuries, body flowing with the current.

I see boat, and a familiar face inside.

My savior, Josiah Pratt sits slouching as if he'd been waiting all day for my arrival.

I flash that bright smile and greet him.

Then we talk.

And talk and talk about everything under the sun, and some how I know I will never have this chance again.

So, being me, I pour my heart out and he does the same.

We kiss and I swear a few fireworks must have went off in the distance.

Electricity flows through my body and just before we part, I wake up.

Drenched in sweat and tears.

My hope had slipped through my fingers without a thought.

The world moved on.

But did it really?

Because I haven't felt that alive since he saved me.

From everyone.

Maybe even from myself if I'm being honest.

So, today my new found confidence carries me through day by day.

But no matter how dark the past.

I close my eyes.

I see that worm.

And I know one day I will have my hope once more.