Hope at the End of a Chain

Isn't it funny how sometimes The fear doesn't come until the danger's already passed? . But then it hits you, all at once, As if to try to make up for it For letting it's guard down For failing to protect you . Shocking your system into movement From where you rested, Quiet beneath the sand- Rising to meet the Whale Fall . Usually, I love a dichotomy . Life and death interwoven, Codependent, The same coin spinning as it sinks . It's different when limbo is your own ribcage Twitching, then buzzing, then teeming- Growing as it disintegrates. . Changing form, but losing itself Little by little Swept away into the cold, dark current . Here you are, Huddled in the skeleton of What had felt like your Home, finally- The dream of safety, stability, freedom . Gone before your eyes had time to adjust, But not before they'd begun to make out The angular silhouettes of dorsal fins Melting out of inky blue . Before your heart rate could settle On the shifting sands Of the ocean floor you'd built it on . Before rows of bone could make their way to yours Finally, staring into unseeing eyes and Kicking off skyward with everything you had left . Ignoring the pain of decompression As you ascended too quickly . But who would have chosen teeth instead? Masquerading as mammals from below, Mimicking their whistles Insisting safety, family, But you've seen their tails whipping side to side . Despite it all, You made it Enveloped by the vastness Of open water. . And for a moment, despite the aching, You thought you felt Calmer, Warmer, Brighter. . Closer to the sun than you'd ever been. . But October caught you by the ankle. Dragged you back downward . Driving 14 hours through the night, Just in time to watch Everything die . Carcass All around- So vivid, so striking . That feeling when the pain is so great, Whatever's left of you beyond it Can only stand there surprised. There's no room for anything else, So you escape into absurdity . Because without you, he'll fade And you love him You love him so much you'll choose the dark, The crushing weight, The teeth Over and over again . Even when you can't . And isn't that the vessel you anchored yourself to When you were small, and tired, And could no longer keep up? . The caravan always moving too fast For your little legs, They never heard you begging To stop, To slow down Even for a moment . So you did the only thing you could . Wrapping your arms around And floating above yourself, As you were dragged across the earth . Feeling too much, And watching yourself decay . But at least they'll never know; You're still here, enough- A body to provide whatever it can't refuse Because they love you But not enough to care that you're drifting away They've already grieved "you" once after all . And you stay because It's who you are- the only real you. And it hurts. It always hurts. And you lose a little more each day. . After all, there's no such thing as perpetual motion. Not in this place Not in this universe . Even sharks have to sleep . Heads or tails, It's only a matter of time Until the coin Comes to rest, . And you'll be gone from here. So hold on to that steel lifeline. . Nothing lasts forever . Thank god, nothing lasts forever.