Hope killer

I saw you yesterday, A year ago today It's hard to explain Dreams can blend with memories that way It seems like forever This past decade I've had to lie In the mess of a bad I have made It's haunting The things I've had to do To get by without so much As a single word from you I hung on by a thread Well you moved on in my stead I was stuck for a while With you trapped inside my head I had to let it go And not let my pain show They could huff and puff but my house Wouldn't fall from there blows It's almost time To leave this sabbatical behind But I'm reluctant to go Because I'm afraid of what I might find January's so cold Especially with no clothes You pawned them off I suppose Or give them away to the next man bereft of any hope I traded in my sadness For a form of Merry madness And I traded all my tears For a few well-placed jeers I can only hate for so long Part of me knew all along It would be just a short while Before you'd be dead and gone