Hopeful despair

nothing in my pockets, loose change and clothes with stains, shoes with holes in the soles life's spinning out of control what can I do to make this better? I don't think I can go much further Before i reach my breaking point smoke a joint to calm the nerves running on empty trying to ration my reserves This is not anything anyone deserves my desire is to Make it out from the bottom crawling out of this desolation determination to have a normal life instead of staying up all night wondering where to find your next meal this is real it happens so fast one moment your working an have it next moment your high and Don't have shit I'm missing something the answer to break this cycle full of regrets no sympathy prisoner of my own choices trying to be.free an make a different destiny.