Hopes

Selfishly, I hope that you see me in the mountains.

I hope that I haunt your waking and sleeping dreams in the way that

I can’t help but swear I see you constantly out of the corner of my eye.

You’re close enough to see not to touch,

like a faded beige staining a perfect white canvas.

I saw a mountain where you saw a pile of sand, 

you simply blew it over and walked away, 

as I stared in tears at the grave.

I know I’m always the more emotional,

but I still don’t know why you hurt so bad.

Although you stopped drawing for me I still write for you,

I know we don’t exist anymore,

only briefly in my lines…

What I mourn more are my many mistakes.

I feel that it might not even be about you anymore.

You’re more so a vessel, a body, an entity,

that I can pour my sadness into,

my frustrations against the world funneled into lines about you 

because who else will care?

I’m a selfish girl, 

it’s no longer about you.

It’s about me and my stupidity to ruin a friendship.

Yet, I flew halfway around the world and I swear I still saw you.

I was overwhelmed with so many new things but,

I saw you there.

I felt you smiling at me on Mt. Fuji,

amongst a sea of pink hues, I saw you winking behind the leaves.

I ran away from you but you followed me.

I hope that you see me in the mountains.

I hope that my name comes in whistling whispers

curving through peaks and grass untouched by us.

I hope you lay wake at night seeing my eyes in your dreams 

because yours find me in mine.

I await the day I stop hoping.