Horse Crazy

To the equines:

We talked about you yesterday, my interviewer and I.

The interview was for college –

I said I drew horses in my free time.

She chuckled, and asked,

“Why do girls draw horses?”

I opened my mouth to reply,

Until

“I had one of those phases once.”

Only little girls are horse crazy,

They say,

Along with pink and princesses,

We left that age behind.

“Why do girls draw horses?”

I pulled out copy paper and crayons,

But then

I was no longer Daddy’s girl,

He had abandoned our family,

Leaving,

No support, not a word,

Mother needed my help.

“Why do girls draw horses?”

I doodled on my lab worksheet,

Until,

“I’m taking off points for neatness,

This is science, not an art class.”

And then,

“If I see another horse,

You get a detention.”

“Why do girls draw horses?”

I searched for models online,

Too late –

Computer science and stress culture,

Those conjoined twins awoke,

And then

FAFSA and Common App,

Berkeley and LA.

“Why do girls draw horses?”

Unthinking, my pencil formed your face,

The muscled neck, the delicate legs,

Your windswept mane,

The glint in your eye.

I know you.

I know you.

Your bravery and your gentleness,

Your fleet-footed athleticism,

Wings to soar above all sorrow,

A horn to cure all pain.

Fluidity and grace,

Passion and love,

Wildness, tempered,

You’re the ones who keep me sane.

Some curves there,

Some shading here,

Bit by bit, but never with bits,

I bring you to graphite life.

Gorgeous Akilah, glossy-maned,

Has the power to grant any wish.

Karma, a pinto unicorn,

Sees only in black and white.

Batman, dragon-winged,

I created you – but you saved me.

Sweat, muscle, ragged breath,

Aching thighs,

We swallow the land,

Trees, plains, rivers, whole --

We are the wind, we are the rain,

We are the dreams that bring color to life,

We are the sun, we are the moon,

Life is unconstrained,

Its essence unspoken but through us.

My pencil drops, and with it myself –

Down onto concrete reality.

There’s no room to run,

In this close-lipped,

Crowded-street

Society.

Here, only words matter.

Names define.

Speechless is meaningless.

Spirit -- unfelt, benign.

“Wake up.”

Never.

“Grow up.”

Never.

“Get real.”

Never.

When the kelpies dive into the ocean,

When the pegasi take to flight,

When the mustangs roam the West,

When the unicorn heals forests at night,

Take me with you.

Yours forever,

Jessica (Chorsy) Yu