how to be happy
today i found a water stained book
entitled “how to be happy”
the first page told me how to catch bees
so i broke myself open
used my fingernails to claw out the rot
replaced it with honey and sugar
but the book didn’t have a chapter
on how to cure bee stings
i read and read and read
and reached the final chapter
“how to be a home”
but i needed no instructions
my rib cage already empty
a vacant apartment
my skin now mountainous
a landscape of welts
it was not a book that taught me
that my body was not made to be a home
i learned that to love and be loved
i must be alone and love that and my rot
then perhaps happiness would love me
these were the instructions i found
on the back of the bee repellent
i bought the next day