How Can My God Not Be Jesus?

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Have you ever just stopped and looked at your life?

Wondered what you’ll do; where you’ll live or if you’ll ever have a wife?

Have you ever once wondered what the heck you’re doing?

Asked what’s my purpose? My direction? Or how do I get going?

 

Maybe you’ve second-guessed something you’ve always believed.

For example, “Is before or after marriage the time to conceive?”

These were a few of many things brought to my attention,

These among other thoughts led me down the path of depression.

 

Now let me begin at the start of my story.

I grew up in the church, giving God his “glory”.

Life was easy and simple and I “didn’t really sin”.

If I died and went to heaven, God would’ve let me in.

 

Now I kept lying to a minimum. Stolen maybe once or twice.

BUT, I never murdered, had sex, or bowed to idols that were nice.

I rarely opened my Bible nor did I pray that much.

But I was still a “good” kid, so I didn’t have to do such.

 

Now when Jr. High rolled around, a time for change was due.

At this point in my life my addiction for pornography grew.

Now at the time, I didn’t know porn was bad, or even wrong.

But my next few years at church, I didn’t feel like I belonged.

 

Flee sex! It’s immoral! That was all from the church.

Jesus said, “Don’t look with lust!” according to research.

You see? I was trapped with nothing I could do.

I had to have sex with my hand everyday just to make it through.

 

I felt useless and lost. I had no hope or joy.

I missed the simplicity of being a content little boy.

Now I had no idea where to start to kick this addiction,

But a girlfriend to help satisfy seemed like a logical prediction.

 

Quite some time had passed and I was unfortunately still single.

What made me even more upset was I was struggling to even mingle.

I wasn’t attractive or smart, I’d constantly tell myself.

My depression grew, and I put my happiness on the shelf.

 

Everyday, I’d do nothing except simply think and sit.

I have no friends. I’m not good enough. Is anything really worth it?

No one would care. I could end it now. These thoughts ran through my head.

It was a scary time in my life when my depression almost saw me dead.

 

 

Now I hit rock bottom. Emotionally, I had an empty cup.

It’s crazy; God uses the lowest of lows, since the only place to look is up.

I started looking for answers and quit assuming what Jesus said.

I started realizing how crazy God’s love for me was instead.

 

I couldn’t do it. I needed help. I couldn’t finish the race.

Jesus helped by dying for me. He’s the epitome of grace.

If I trip, or fall, I no longer have to worry.

Jesus wants to be my help, and He helps in a hurry.

 

His grace is unthinkable. His love, you cannot measure.

I don't need to be flawless. Jesus is so much better.

I have hope. I have joy. Everything is done.

The greatest feeling ever is knowing that Jesus won.

 

To decide Jesus isn’t God? I’d think you were joking.

If your god isn’t Jesus, your god is something broken.

God knows were not good. We sin. He sees us.

Yet He loves us to His death. How can God not be Jesus?

Comments

MARs

This made my day.

ahjfy2015

That's what it's here for. God bless you, friend.

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If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741