How Do I Let Myself Fall?

I've never been good with restraint. I always said what I shouldn't, acted without a second's notice. But I knew I had it when I decided to not trust you even when my soul and being wanted to. I've never been good with restraint, but I know I have it, because I just lied to you. It's not that I don't trust you your eyes have changed mine and every direction they're headed. It's not that I don't trust you. I know you'd catch me if I fell. But how do I let myself fall? What if I did tell you, you hold me close and dear, and I still feel alone? What if I did tell you would that mean what I feel is actually real? What if the silence before was better than the disperse?