How to Get into College: for superhuman species only

Hey, I have some advice for you.

If you want to get into college you really need to clean up your act.

Here's what you need to do,

get good grades, mantain an active social life, participate in varisty athletics, join clubs, wait- that's not good enough- be the president of clubs, interact with your family, get a job, volunteer, do your chores, don't talk back, don't complain, play an instrument, learn languages, take the most challending classes you can, as many as you can at one time, be friends with your teachers, win awards, win scholarships, don't stress, publish a book, start a charity, and, oh wait, you also have to be really really super nice because nobody likes hanging out with bitchy people, stay skinny, look nice at school, get enough sleep, and don't forget to eat the right food and take care of yourself.

But don't be stressed. You have no reason to be stressed.