How I Feel

It's like I'm so indenial, but I don't care. I analyze everything from the way I walk to the color of my hair. My heart sank to the bottom of my soul. My eyes are wide open, but I can't see any more. I had a bad day, but I don't care. There's more to come and I know it'll again be about my hair. Sometimes I just wanna walk out and touch the sun. The heat will burn me and it's way better than aiming for a gun. I know it's my fault that I've never been happy anyways. Trying to be optimistic like what's inside me is just a phase. Im not a hater, but I hate you. I hate you because because you make me feel like I'm not enough. I hate you because you're so perfect but I'm just a blob of dust. Got used to people leaving me because people come and go. I never been the one to beg, most likely the one to open the door. Suffering from my own insecurities. I wish I could just drown away all this pain in me. Puddles in my eyes, but ain't no way imma let them splash. Mind blown like it's been inflated by gas. But I don't care. Always been f*cked up and I don't care. Been alone all my life feel like I'm no longer here. But that's fine though, I don't care. Without me here, it ain't no difference.