This is how I procrastinate

This is how I procrastinate Making up long lines to fill the pages that go on and on that no one will ever read but me keeping my work a secret from all the world This is how I work Day after day, night after night i just keep thinking and writing but I don't think when I write I just write, they don't go together as one might infer, thinking is entirely separate This is how I think Pushing past that long restless hours of the day, suffering from all the possible noise one can hear to reach night, the quiet softness of night, which allows one to think and develop what one must this is how I develop Growing and growing not being able to stop, so much that my knees break under the stress and every synapse forces the information through This is how I break Staring into my reflection, not being able to see the strength I hold allowing the guilt to bore into my center until my face continuously drips what I can't hold back This is how I continue Driving my aching mind to force out the shame, forcing scorn to the back of my mind along with every face staring with disappointment while I try and fail at what i love This is how I try Not giving in, fighting, fighting until the last salty tear leaves the bulge of my cheek never loosing the fight, always loving the fight until i win This is how I love Putting what I care about on the edge and always ruining it, slowly causing it to crumble, and for me to loose, with the utterance of the loveliest words this is how I loose Letting my stupidity overrun what I know to be sane, unable to create the support for my everlasting longing to win, leaving it to slip away with every thought of failure This is how I win Finding the strength I have always buried, viewing every mistake as a tool for success, allowing myself to be carried away with the hopeful future This is how I hope Leaving all my emotions behind, forcing myself forward past all the pain and anguish that appears and ignoring it by making up long lines to fill the pages that go on and on This is how I procrastinate