How I shouldn't Have Come Out

I shouldn't have come out. Because I loved you. 

And because I loved you, I came out. You have put me in a situation, from one to another I jumping from home to home. Couch to couch.

A Forgotten forethought of who is to be blamed. Because I loved you.

I apologized for being a sinner, because I loved you. I apologized to my friends, and left them

Because I loved you. Yet this is not love, Mom. 

You telling me that I "will be going to hell" is not love. You telling me that I am an "embarassment" is not love.

You claim to have unconditional love, yet you are the reason I have scars, and want to drive away in my car. 

You are completely blind to the fact that this isn't love. And it never was. 

I came out to my sister, because I loved her. She said, "I think I saw this coming." She told me that she accepted me,

And gave me a home for the night.

I hold onto my sisters love, because I love her. She was there for me when you were not. She was a home when you were not.

She loved me like a mother should love her son. She loved me so much that the universes became one, and pluto became a planet again,

all the saddness in the world left, and I felt like a new man. 

Yet there is a part of me that curls up and dies when I enter the house.

A part of me that isn't alive. I say "I love you." but those words are meaningless if I'm being honest.

I shouldn't have come out, because living without love, is a waste. 

Living without love is such a pain.

Maybe I shouldn't have come out, because this isn't love.