How I Used To Be

It hurts

Looking into you

Because I know

What you have

Is something

I can't own

Can't have for myself

The purity

The innocence

Long lost

Somewhere in an old photograph

I never minded too much

Lost touch

A long time ago

I never knew better

So I know

I never did by you better

If I knew

If I knew you

Just a minute sooner

Tell me

Would the sun set like it did

It's hard

It gets harder every damn day

Just to breathe

The way I used to

Back before I knew

Back before you

If I had known

I would tell myself

Get it right

Say it straight

Life doesn't have to be

So hard

But for some reason

It never comes easy

When you're face to face

With the demons

The monster

Under the bed

When all along

There were all in your head

I know you believe in me

You believe

In what you love

You trust it all

You fall

Carefree

And I am falling

Fast

I am falling

With no direction

I am falling

Away from you

And you smile

So sweet

It breaks my heart

Right in half

Knowing I can't be

What you need me to be

A lost girl

In a big lonely world

Cruel and jagged

I wish

I had traded my heart

For dreams

Instead of sins

Instead of gems

I wish I knew

What I know now

I just needed

Just wanted

To make it better

I needed the pain to stop

I wanted to feel good again

No one told me

That it would hurt this much

The dead end

After a long life

I tried

My words

Will turn to ash

My lies

Will burn you up

Into flames

Like this love

Up in smokes

We were meant

For so much more

I spoiled

A good thing

Rotting from the inside out

I tried so hard

Wanted you so badly

But this goes up

Choking me

So if this must go up

In flames

And ashes

Tell me

You'll remember me

How I used to be