How to Live

Sing Disney songs from movies created in the ‘80s, running their melodies together with hard rock music. Hang Christmas lights on your house, entangling yourself every other year in the decorations. Break a window. Not on purpose, and not one of yours. At a young age is best, just like when You should learn to whistle. It’ll come in handy. Snap once, clap twice and spin in circles until your head comes unscrewed. It’ll make you feel free. Breed some bunnies; exactly three. Thou shalt not breed to four, neither breed to two, excepting that thou Then proceed to three. Five is right out. Monty Python is a healthy show to watch. Trust me, you should try it. Wear a wedding ring once in your life. Don’t ever take it off except for on special occasions. It is your bond of love. River rafting gets the blood flowing, flowing Blood keeps you alive. Therefore, river rafting keeps you alive. Reason rationalizes everything. Always remember to buy shorts with pockets. Invent a light bulb that can run off something you enjoy. Your first macaroni batch should contain Enough pepper to make an elephant sneeze. Tell a lie at some point; try to make it necessary. Never lie when truth is needed and the other way around. Two rights never make a wrong unless you live on the left side of the neighborhood. Read so Much that you need reading glasses thicker than your grandma’s. Refuse to wear them and spend your Money on braces instead. Enter into a contest you see On the bulletin board at the post office, and send in the application with 15 stamps. Sometimes things are needed that we just don’t understand. This is not one of them. Hire someone just to annoy someone else, then quit the job and move to Tennessee. Accept only ideas that you came up With, unless they are good ones, but don’t tell anyone. Your pride is important to your social calendar. Sample sushi once in your life. March In a band and play a woodwind instrument. Collect sweaters you buy from old people garage sales. Remember: everything was trendy once. Build a fort in your bedroom; invite all your Friends over. Offer tea, pour milk. Grow Alaska Pioneer strawberries for pure enjoyment. Sleep under the stars. Listen to your conscience. It’s in your head. Then again, so is your brain, and that’s not very pleasant. Just like a dead armadillo.