How Many Times?

How many times have you woken up, in the middle of the night perhaps, when the moonlight is streaming through the window and is cutting through the pitch black?

How many times have you woken up in the night, in a cold sweat, eyes open wide and gasping for air because you wanted to scream but you couldn't scream because the next door neighbors would file another complaint again and you really couldn't afford any other place except this shitty two-room apartment on the edge of town.

How many times have you choked back a sob, or even just sat there wanting to cry -to feel something, anything- even though you couldn't?

Or maybe you woke up and laughed because that is the only way you could possibly cope with the absurdity of everything.

How many times have you mourned for a love you feel you may never experience, a love that one could only imagine existed for others?

How many times have you wanted to forget -to forget that awful dream, to forget the bad things, to forget about everyone, to forget about your name- to forget everything just for a little longer?

How many times have you clutched your body, pulling yourself tighter and tighter inwards in the attempt to feel something more, a temporary comfort? How many times have you woken up in the night, only to go back to bed, or perhaps wander to the kitchen to quench your thirst to make yourself feel less empty - how many times?