How Much?

How much longer till midnight?

How much longer will the clock keep counting down?

How much longer can it be ignored before I lose it all?

Welling up in my soul,

I bury it down.

How much farther do I have to go?

How much longer until it hides in the unknown?

How much deeper will I have to dig?

Be pleasant, 

Smile and sit still.

How much more grace can I muster?

How much more pleasant can I force my demeanor? 

How much more until I crack?

My lies are catching up,

Time’s almost up. 

How harder can I bite my tongue?

How much pressure does it take to draw blood?

How silent can I be until I break apart?

Will my needs ever be met,

Doesn’t matter now you’re all I have left.

For you I will bite my tongue, 

For you I will hold back my tears,

For you I will swallow my screams,

For you I will stop feeling. 

You are everything to me. 

I will not be your burden to bear.

So to keep you happy: 

I will bury my emotions,

My needs, 

My heart,

Here. 

-A.M. Elliott

02.21.2021