Is This How You Pretty?

I tan, I burn.

I put my hair up in all the curls and swirls

and all the other tings that are supposed to make the general populace

like me.

Right?

But I'm still left in the corner at dances

and I'm still waiting for the chance

But nobody wants to talk to the girl

Who tries too hard

And eats too little

Whose mind is shattered

Whose bones have become brittle

Too odd

Too weird

Conforming tot he standards I've been set

But still no one let's

me hold their hand

Play with their hair

Stand together in line

But I shouldn't care

Right?

I'm supposed to play it out

Like I can brush it off

Like I can leave their words at school

Like I left my hope and self-worth

Since birth

I've been trying to make a name for the person I have yet to define

I am I

And yet I'm not

I don't feel like myself

I don't look like the girl depicted in old photographs of frilly dresses

And curls

Little girls

Getting dress up

Trying to be princesses

Little did we know that fairy tales don't translate

There's no prrincess school on the map

That I can find

In the world that forces me to hide

what I am because it tells me I'm not

Not skinny

Or flawless

While simultaneously trying to sell the lie that I don't need to be

Hypcritical wager

Thinking they're doing me a favor

Don't do this but don't be ugly

Well if I'm stuck being ugly forever

Still looking for the lever

the switch

That will turn on what I lack

Will swap what I'm not for the person I ought to be

or so I'm told

Then I have a head start

Of fifteen years

By way of laughing and tears

And I will leave you to guess which one grew more frequent when my hopes of "pretty declined.