HS

Definition- Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS) is a chronic skin disease. It can occur in one or multiple areas of your body. HS usually develops in your armpits, groin, and anal area. It causes long-term skin inflammation and can be painful.

8 years old

I remember looking in the mirror wondering,"What's this strange substance coming out of me?",

You know, my mom always warned me of the things to be aware of,  

She forgot to mention this chronic illness that she inherently passed down to yours truly,

In that moment I didn’t know what to do or how to feel,

I was afraid, insecure, and angry of what could be or what will,

Couldn’t really believe what was happening to me was real,

Looking back I’m ashamed to say, I didn’t tell my mom that day,

If I told my mom that day I wonder if I would be where I am today…

12 years old

The doctors don’t really know what is wrong with me,

I’ve taken test after test, and can’t seem to find a solution that will set me free,

They tell me that I just have to keep trying,

How do you keep having hope for something you might never end up surviving?

Hanging out with my friends and talking about secret crushes,

When inside I would tell myself, “No one is going to adore your pea- to marble-sized abscesses”,

Covered by Band-Aids that will forever keep me sane,

I questioned if I could ever look or even love myself the same.

14 years old

At times I wish I didn’t know,

The feelings of sorrow that my soul can instinctively follow,

Going to the pool and not wanting to lift my arms in exposing the scars that were left behind,

The fact that it will never go away, broke my heart day, after day,

But I continue to push and seem strong to not be an easy give away,

I kept striving, living, hoping for a cure,

So one day I can say I survived,

That my invisible illness is gone and now I can celebrate my own personal Independence Day.

16 years old

I’m overweight and I need to lose it to be healthy,

Possibly,

If my parents said no to me more often, I wouldn’t feel the need for all this dermatology,

I would have better eating habits and it would even help our market economy,

See, this invisible illness stopped me from all the times that I can be all that I should be,

Now I’m tired of this unaccountability,

From the doctors, parents, and especially me,

I just now need to find some way out so I can practice my own theory.

19 years old

Today, I still get the same feeling I got when I was 8,

I still wonder why I didn’t say anything and why I continued to wait,

At times I cry to release the pain,

Searching for something to hold on to so I don’t drive myself insane,

But I realized that this skin condition is who I am,

Not solely who I define to be but a lot of the challenges that shaped my perception around me,

I am a power house that generates more energy than the Hoover Dam,

I know that I will pave the way for the girls after me,

Show how bright their beauty can withstand,

Show them that they should love themselves and role model that with what makes me, who I am,

No matter how much inner pain you must endure,

Love will always prevail to reward all that you must conquer.