Human Nature

As I wander through life I wonder, why does it hurt? Pondering and pondering why is life a curse? Surrounded by friends and family alike, trying to fight inside me the dark that is black as night.  Eternally running, I search for the fires warm embrace, always thinking if I’m after a wild goose chase.  The only touch I know is the elements and the cold on my skin, always doubting if I will ever get my one true wish.  In the distance I stare as the pain stays the same, consistent in that it will never change.  Pain in waking life, dressed as a dream, always clever in disguise sowing me from the inside of my seams.  As a ghost that can never be touched, invisibly bleeding like that of a deep cut.  But where can I go if my only motion is stuck?  Tears dried up, tired of the never ending fall, lying lifeless by the phone awaiting loneliness to call.  Lifeless bodies approach, mind set in knowing that what is not real is their love for me.  I am camped in this forest of trees, waiting to find a genuine seed that can set me free.  Maybe the hard truth is not denying and realizing that this impossibility is the key.  Would it be wrong to release and cease?  To have the opportunity of death and think nothing but to seize!  Exhausted for being the emotional punching bag for all, only to see those flee when I fall.  Always giving, holding back and never receiving, as I continue the light at the end of my tunnel is slowly fleeing.  Thrown away like garbage, cast aside like trash.  Picked up in forgotten corners just to fill temporary pasts.  Never the one, just only the fun, loving when they go and hating when they come.  Please, make me feel special, knowing you will betray my trust.  Always knowing when we are together that it is never just us.  Thrown under the bus time and time again, I find myself getting up just to fall in the lion’s den.  I would throw away all, if affection is not what I crave.  Left over’s in the fridge I become, because the people only know how to save.  Visited time and time again in the darkness of my cave, they bring the light when they come.  And when they leave they remind me of my lonely fate.  Is it better to be the last minute resort, or to never be loved?  The constant back and forth takes its course and brings me to none.  Under the moon I wait for the one that is only mine; whose tongue is sublime, making me forget time.  The one that makes me forget the many lies that tie me like a slave to my affection, only to be dragged behind.  Touch sweeter than wine, and backstabbing more treacherous than a choking vine.  Is it better to be alone? I always ask myself why?  Fucked and forgotten just when I've gotten the hang of it all.  Driving my hope in first, second, and third gear just to watch it stall.  The depths of loneliness force me to pick up the call, knowing time and time again I will be forgotten by all.