hundredth rendezvous

they told me to be cautious.

i thought choosing you

would show them that i could be.

but really, 

it just showed that while you had no heart,

mine was too big.

and now i sit awake at 3 am,

wondering what i could've done different.

better.

more cautious even.

and when i finally have an answer

i come running back to you.

hoping that somehow you've grown a heart.

but in reality

you just break mine even more.

i go back to thinking everything over.

and every sinlge time i find something.

and somehow its always me.

i didn't love you enough.

i didn't stay over long enough.

i didn't hold you close enough.

i was never enough. 

but when the day comes,

and i'm finally over you,

i hope and pray 

there is no hundreth rendezvous.