Hurting

I’m hurting

I feel the swell begin to form

The back of my throat begin to hurt

Tears begin to drip but I wipe them down

I don’t want them to touch the floor

I don’t want them to be acknowledged

I don’t want to be . . . weak

In my most vulnerable form caught undersea

There’s no one here to hold me back if I choke in my tears

There’s no one here to hug me as I writhe from the pain

If I allow myself to feel, there’s no one here to hug me in the pain of my own feelings

No one

Not even myself