I’m fine

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 15:36 -- Lszulim

I am afraid of being afraid of my many phobias. My insanity is near extinct. Vulnerable, racing heart beating fast similar to my insomnia thoughts. Young childish playing soul full of potential. i am grounded with a mind that can not be silenced. Depression they say is when you don't care or don't have the energy to. And anxiety is the opposite it's caring too much at once. And having both is laying in bed because your bones ache with this incurable disease also known as lazy. But then getting up getting dressed and walking out that door to this building because you can't fail. You don't want to fail.

It's not being able to ask for extra napkins or call and order take out food.

Its being locked in a cage with maggots ready to feed off decaying pieces of your mentality. And it sucks because it's so damn exhausting. 

Did u know when a drop of water hits a bigger body of water the rippling motion does not stop till it reaches the very edge. That's what anxiety is to me. The drop of water hits my brain and travels to every deep dark thought. Depression has built this beautiful garden in my throat with daisies but apparently you can't water flowers with whiskey.

I think it's time for us to take a break it's me not you. Please don't be mad i just need to work on some things. The things that you created to destroy me with the things that left me shattered at age 12 i'm done i just want to be done with you. You left me to pick up the broken pieces of the mirror that makes up my mind. So everyday i fight. Fight with myself with my mom my dad. So i smile, smile to confuse the pain smile to get through the day cause i can run but i can't hide and I learned that the hard way because your always there ready to pull the chair before i can sit befor i can catch my breath. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to catch my breath if i didn't use it to tells lies yes mom i'm fined.

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