I Am (2)

by Georrick

May 16, 2014

I just watched the scenes of my life and I came to realize

The most hold of my life was the constant jumping toward perfection

My life has been an endless repeat of self provoked challenges

To become the ultimate version of myself

Since birth I have been surrounded in chaos

My mother burdened me with that task of bringing order to it all

I remember standing in her face,

Patiently waiting for her approval

I can't get enough of her satisfaction or the lack there was

Here I am now in middle school

3rd grade and we have the chance to go on another field trip

But this Time we don't have the money

My mother says hop in the car, we drive to a White House and she receives $20 dollars from a man in a cowboy hat

I takes 2 months to learn that man was my father

As the news breaks in to my life

I now know I have even less than I thought

Young father-less boy wanting perfection and praise from a dictator mother

With no freedom from my thoughts I free my life in words

My own words healed the pain

I grab my pen and I write, every thought, every answer, every moment

Junior year comes and I've gotten stronger & wiser than the other kids

Either it was me distancing myself or me being seen as an outcast but never less

I felt alone

In the loneliness I began to speak

Those once lifeless words now grew wings and fly from my lips at each chance I had

The only way I knew to connect,

The only way I knew to be perfect

The only way I could ever gain my freedom

Is if I let loose the words I held in for so long.

I am an entire sentence with no period.

The subject is me

And the predicate is my yesterday, my tomorrow and my future.

The day the period decides to call my sentence quits

Will be the only day I will keep quiet.

But it was the silence that keep me company for so long.

The only thing that besides my mother that pushed.

Not wanting to die with out having spread the words I've keep hidden.

Never living by a standard I haven't written.

I'm in college now and that over protective mother realizes the power of my words.

She gives part of her sentence to me now

Now I no longer reach for a bar that has always been pushed above.

I now climb.

And These rungs are materialized from the back of my own mind.

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