I Am Afraid

I am afraid

You don’t know it from the outside

I am afraid

Yet 16 years of challenge taught me to bury my emotions

I am afraid

Those familiar thoughts of failure running racetracks around my head

I am afraid

My heart beats drumming loudly in my ears

I am afraid

My teammates cheers causing feedback in my brain

I am afraid

The strength I have trained for seems to leave me

I am afraid

An empty husk of a gymnast stands before the judges

I am afraid

A strong wind could blow me over

I am afraid

I see my parents in the crowd

I am afraid

My coaches don’t notice the turmoil that’s inside

I am afraid

The judges signal me to start

I am afraid

I salute

I am afraid

And begin

I am afraid

I mount the beam with shaking knees

I am afraid

I perform my routine

I am afraid

Each moment spaced into an eternity

I am afraid

Every skill performed on a tightrope

I am afraid

The ground falling away beneath me

I am afraid

Everybody is counting on me

I am afraid

I dismount, falling through the air

I am afraid

The landing shakes me to my core

I am afraid

But I smile to the judges

I am afraid

But I run into my teammates embrace

I am afraid

But I high five my coaches

I am afraid

But I push through