I am Afraid

There goes my throat

As it begins to close

Tightening

Strangling

A noose that won’t

Stop hanging

Shaking fingers and

Sweaty palms

I can’t go on

Because my legs feel

Broken, too weak

To take me away

A hand must be

Inside of me

Pulling me

Down

Because my stomach certainly

Doesn’t feel this way

On its own

Please let me go

I have a headache

And stomach ache

Honestly I

Just can’t wait

To go back home

A pitiful moan

Escapes my throat

As I reach for my phone

The only comfort

I can find

While I’m like this

The camera is on

Deep breath

Shove trembling fingers

Into pockets

Get set

And pose

The picture looks thrilled

Like it’s drilled

Into my head to be

Happy

To look happy

Every day

But inside

Behind the film

I am screaming

Eyes glistening

With tears and

Frustration and fear

Anxiety is the noose

On my neck

The fragility

Of my legs

The hand

In my body

Suffocating me

Keeping me

Back

But I don’t show it

On the camera

You wouldn’t know it

But if you saw me

Or knew me

You could see that

Behind the photo

I am not strong

Not beautiful

Without a filter I am

Afraid.