I am an artist; I am a voice

The beauty of an artist, the illustrations of my life

An artist’s note:

The story board of my life was too painful to put into words. I was ashamed. So I took the words from my silent mouth, pinched them in between my fingers and laid them on to this page.

Before I could even bear to write these words I drew them onto sheets of sketch book paper

I extracted the essence of my reality into the color palette, they were matte on the canvas

I mastered them

I faced them

I made them mine.

I drew them

I wrote them

Finally I gave them a voice and spoke them.

Page 1, Chapter 1: My love affair with art

I met the love of my life when I was a child, in my memory she was akin to the passing of fall and winter.

Candied yams on thanksgiving

Corn bread on Christmas

Black eyed peas on New Years

She was comfort food for the most select of holidays

Except only she was there when something bad happened.

She was there the times when my daddy would beat my momma black and blue

Or when my momma couldn’t handle the stress anymore and she became the bi-polar queen of Sheba

She cradled me when that boy hit me, touching me in places that I didn’t want to be touched, feeling me in ways that I didn’t want to be felt.

She was there for me, giving me everything I needed and everything I wanted

She gave me the option of silence:

I didn’t want to be hugged

I didn’t want tears from family members, friends or strangers

I didn’t want those “Oh, I’ll always be here for you when you need to talk” kind of people

I didn’t even want to talk about it.

Regardless of these sealed lips she held me like a lover

In her kisses there was strength

Her breath was like the wind whispering my comforts as emotions spilled onto canvasses like paint

shhhhh all I you want is silence

shhhhh you don’t even have to speak

shhhhh I know it’s hard and that you cry

shhhhh I know that you’re tired

shhhhh I understand that you are not ready to speak yet

She was patient, she was forgiving and she was kind

The passage of time was like a long winding road, she and I only grew stronger along the way

With her I turned the story board of my life into a work of art, a masterpiece. Colors loud and vibrant: Through it all I finally have the strength to speak.