I am the history of us
To my younger siblings
--who are separated
And feeling
I abandoned you
As your oldest sibling, I take responsibility for our parting
I endure the troubled memories of our past
A burden to carry alone
Remnants of it pack itself deep in my mind
Replaying, time frozen, never growing up
A reminder that I will forever be a stranger to you
As your oldest sibling, I was more a motherly figure than our own mom
I made your food
Comforting you when you were hurt
I stayed up alone waiting for our blood to come back
For our family to be whole
Over the years there is not one day I don’t think of you
That is my curse
Remembering only the version of you when you were young
Crying, in pain
Asking for a mother who was more like a ghost
Nonexistent
By now my face will be the face of a stranger
Someone you have no attachment to
A young woman sitting afar
--who looks at your mature face and doesn’t recognize her younger brothers
Your name is as foreign to me as listening to another language
Accomplishments that are a milestone in your life are unknown to me
My heart holds love
Fueled by the memory of you
I learned to grow up a long time ago
A curse that wasn’t bestowed upon you
A gift that has given me the drive to go on with my life
Extend my education
Creating a path you don’t have to follow, but will signify a guide to your success