I am the history of us

To my younger siblings

--who are separated

And feeling

I abandoned you

As your oldest sibling, I take responsibility for our parting

I endure the troubled memories of our past

A burden to carry alone

Remnants of it pack itself deep in my mind

Replaying, time frozen, never growing up

A reminder that I will forever be a stranger to you

As your oldest sibling, I was more a motherly figure than our own mom

I made your food

Comforting you when you were hurt

I stayed up alone waiting for our blood to come back

For our family to be whole

Over the years there is not one day I don’t think of you

That is my curse

Remembering only the version of you when you were young

Crying, in pain

Asking for a mother who was more like a ghost

Nonexistent

By now my face will be the face of a stranger

Someone you have no attachment to

A young woman sitting afar

--who looks at your mature face and doesn’t recognize her younger brothers

Your name is as foreign to me as listening to another language

Accomplishments that are a milestone in your life are unknown to me

My heart holds love

Fueled by the memory of you

I learned to grow up a long time ago

A curse that wasn’t bestowed upon you

A gift that has given me the drive to go on with my life

Extend my education

Creating a path you don’t have to follow, but will signify a guide to your success