I Am Last Hope.

I Am Last Hope. 

Last Hope to family, 

Distant family, 

Who have little left

And will bet it all on a 16-year-old. 

 

I Am Passion, 

A heat-seeking bullet

Living on nothing more than the chance of a miracle

Of hitting the target 

At the perfect moment. 

 

I Am Sorry,

Sorrry that I cannot be all that everyone wants me to be 

All that everyone has invested in me

All that everyone sees in me. 

And I am Trying. 

Trying so hard to be able to be Success

And Beauty

And Excellence

And Poise. 

But I Am Human

And I crack under the pressure sometimes 

Of being Last Hope
 

And I am trying to be strong. 

Strong for you, Mama. 

Strong enough to carry all of your dreams for me

The dreams that the others could not fufill

The dreams that you could not even afford to dream in your small town

The dreams that you did not have time to dream after we left dad 

For crushing them every night

In a drunken rage

The dreams that you dreamt in the small time you had to sleep 

Before getting up 

And doing all you could to bring me to where I am. 

I am Grateful

For your strength

And your beauty

And the potential you see in me 

That I fail to recognize at times. 

I Am Never Ashamed

Even on days that you are 

Of your own, beautiful accent

That you can never seem to conquer 

Because you try to conquer something that has never needed to be tamed. 

Let your mispronunciations run wild, Mama. 

Let each accidentally rolled 'R' capitilize itself 

And reveal itself to be a Latin tongue that, 

Like many of us Hispanic women, 

Can never be tamed. 

 

Much less you. 

Because I am Stubborn 

And I get it from you 

With your refusal to give up on your dreams for me 

No matter how much I will let you down

No matter how much I have let you down

Because Stubborn does not give up

Even when I let myself down

Which is what one can expect

As the daughter of someone 

Like you.

I Am Unsure

Of my own future

And where my dreams will take me

Of where your dreams will take me

But, 

No matter where I go, 

I am prepared for all possibilities 

Including the good ones.

I Am Ready to be Last Hope

For you

For me

For everyone who is rooting for me, 

But especially for you.