I Am A Mathematician?

I am searching

For the answer

Of who I truly am.

I'm looking in the area

Underneath a curve,

As if it somehow

Holds the definition

Of my existence.

I'm finding the derivative

Of all my years,

Searching desperately for

The rate of change,

As if I am merely

Who I can become,

And not who I am.

I'm sequencing my achievements

And trying to find out

Whether there's a pattern,

As I am only a sum

My works.

When I calculate

The force of myself

As I barrel through life,

I get scared.

I'm growing up.

I'm only 15.

Why do I need to put a label on myself?

Do I really need

Calculus and physics

To find my self worth?

No.

I don't think so.

No equation

Can define me.

Only I can define me.

I am more than a sum of my parts.

I am beauty,

And madness,

And logic,

And mystery.

I can calculate the motion,

Of heavenly bodies

But not the madness of people.

Not even myself.