I am ME

When I was a child I had so many plans

I was going to be an artist

I was going to be a writer

A gardener

A mother

A dancer

A wife

An adventurer

And it was going to be easy

Now that I am older, I know how hard it is to be everything you want to be

I have been in college for almost 5 years now

I still struggle to find my way

Because now you are told you can only be one thing for the rest of your life

And you have to choose that one defining thing now before you have experienced anything

I don’t know where all the passion of the innocent child went that wanted to be everything

And believed that I could do it all

Now I am surviving

But I am not thriving

I am a student

I am a full time worker at two part time jobs

I am a girlfriend

I am a daughter

And a sister

A friend

But I am not thriving

I think back to all the times when I was a child

When everyone said “You can do and be anything you want to be”

They neglect to tell you that it will cost

It costs you your money

It costs you your friends

At times it will cost you your sanity

It costs you every penny you have for the next 20 years

As you struggle to pay back all those loans

For your chance to be that one thing that defines you

You lose out on so many opportunities to live

While you are too busy making a living

Who knew that living would cost so much of your life?

But I don’t want to be just one thing

I want to live

I don’t want to be defined by what I do

I am not a burger flipper

I am not a customer service representative

I am not the number I am given at every bank

And every school or job that they use to define me

That does not define me

I will not lose my identity to those numbers on a piece of paper

To the amount of money I owe the banks

I am not employee number 54944

I am not $47,000 in loans, $500 a month for the rest of my life

I am not my credit score of 697

I am a person, I am real

And I am complex

I will be an adventurer

I will be an artist

A college graduate

A dancer

A mother

A wife

A friend

And I will thrive

I will get to where I want to be

And do everything I always wanted

For now I have to just survive

But I will still be Me