I Am Me... Surrounded

Location

A twisted family portrait this has become

Weeds winding around my neck

The very ones I planted

Be cautious of what seeds you drop

Within your spirit

 

But I'm surrounded every day

A woman caught in a withering marriage

Trapped

In such an insecure body

Regretting

Never bearing a child to call her own

She is sadness

She is Depression.

 

I see a man losing hope

Living only

To be disappointed time and time

Again

I see a man

Who hates what the world has given him

So little

I see Anger

As he yells and snaps but,

I see embarrassment

In the eyes

Of which are isolated

He discovered that to him

His best isn't good enough

 

I witness a boy,

Whose skull rejects its brain

Whose heart denies its body

And his soul,

Who seems just can't fit its way home

Becoming a child made of

Tests

Doctors

And pills

With half-ass assumptions

Branches

Twisting and growing

Off of autism, mood disorders and even ADHD

I see a deep internal struggle

One that no one understands

Not even himself

I see lost in all possible forms

I see Afraid

 

I am me.

Surrounded

Accompanying myself

With

Sorrow

Rage

And Scared

 

And yes

I will try giving

An exchange

Explaining, how I will take

Their Sorrow

Their Rage

Their Scared

And give them

My Love

My Compassion

And Tenderness

 

Most times it starts off good

Until

I end up giving

Rage to Sorrow

Sorrow to Scared

And Scared to Rage

It looks like

I'm just ripping everyone

Off on false trade

 

Keeping only the light

To myself

Because I've fought so long

To grasp and obtain it!

My intentions were never

Wrong

I just became

Frustrated

The constant

Heavy

Emotions

Weighing me

Down

Each planting

Their seeds of emotion

Inside me.

 

Eventually I need to exhale

Exhale it

Out

 

I see a young woman in the mirror.

With the fears of never becoming

Successful

Never amounting

To anything

And never falling in love

And keeping it

Because she's never witnessed love

Before

She rarely trusts

Anyone

Rarely believe in

Anything

And often

Questions her purpose

Of existence.

I see weakness

I see fearful

 see worried

And scared and sadness and rage

And pitiful and lost

And guarded empty

I see me

I see human.

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