I Am No One Special

I am no one special

You are no one special

Most people can’t handle that

Can you?

 

Kissed a guy in his 20s

She was 17

Cut herself before winter break

She was 17

Thought about cheating on her boyfriend

She was 17

 

If I were to go I would overdose

No pain, no way of knowing

Who would miss me?

Have I been bad?

Do I deserve to die?

 

She wasn’t crying but she was hurting

The blade ran against her skin

She saw the blood once she was done

She was ashamed of herself

So she hid

 

She didn’t tell the people she should have

She waited for the scar to go away

But there was still a mark

She’s afraid

Of what will happen if they find out

Or if they don’t

 

She saves the picture of it in her phone

Keeping it locked away

She thinks it’s beautiful

What’s wrong with her?

 

She is in high school

She is drawn to people with issues

Maybe because she has her own

She can forget them around other people

 

She feels like exploding

So many secrets kept inside

But what will happen if she tells?

Will she be in trouble?

Will people be ashamed of her?

 

She wants to be perfect

She sucks at being perfect

She sees her mistakes as flaws

She sees her flaws as disappointments

 

She wants to be strong

But how can she be strong when she feels the whole world is against her

She can’t wait for college

So she can leave it all behind

She’s never coming back

 

I had a regular day today

Although I felt like it was all in haze

I woke up and the next thing I knew I was back home again

The day had already ended

 

The blade was a razor

The scar was 2 weeks

The fright was real

The mark has stayed

 

Sad music helps me

I want to cry

I need to cry

I miss crying

 

Why do I do this to myself?

Hiding things in isn’t good for me

I hate doing it

I’m not myself

 

I haven’t been myself in months

I only act like myself

I miss myself

I need myself

 

The question lingers in the air

What if?

 

What if they find out?

What if they get mad?

What if they are ashamed?

What if I get in trouble?

 

I am so fucking scared of telling them

 

I feel small, tiny

Forgive me for I have sinned

I’m sorry

I feel terrible

I know I should have stopped it before it happened

I hate that I did this

 

She cares about other people's’ feelings more than her own

She hates when people are mad at her

She is always nice

She always gets stepped on

 

She wants to be strong

She’s slowly getting better

 

She is a hopeless romantic

She is a flirt

She is a liar

She is a disappointment

 

Sing me a song of sorrows

From the depths of hell and back

There will be a better tomorrow

If not then I will crack

 

I’m falling apart inside

I will surely drown

Unless you come and save me

And bring me to the ground

 

Please

         save

  me….

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

may-we-meet-again

I keep re-reading. I understand every word even more each time. Wow...Just damn.

Mariah McKeen

Thank you, that really means a lot. 

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