I Am Not Inspiration Porn

Disability.

A word with such a negative connotation.

A word that makes you think of a wheelchair.

Well, I ain’t got no wheelchair like Stella Young,

Nor do I have a brace, an amputated arm, or anything inspirational worthy like she has.

You probably won’t look at me and say what a poor little thing I am,

Or know me as the one who humorously came up with "Inspiration Porn", the concept of objectifying the disabled in the media to inspire the healthy.

You won't know from looking at me that I am disabled, because it's behind what meets the eye.

But heck, the people that know me well sure know that I am.

Social security sure knows that, and proof is on my monthly checks,

The hospital, psych ER, and therapist know it clearly like rain on a cloudy day.

 

Yup, it is a mental illness,

And it stinks,

With anxiety, panic attacks, and all other whispering worthy things.

It pains my mind like flashes of lightning striking me,

And days of never ending thunder.

It hits my bare face like hail and has me on hyper-vigilant mode like I am some sort of button that it can keep on pushing.

 

But no one says it,

That Word.

Disability.

I want to stamp my feet in protest and wave my hands,

It's not a bad word.

It literally means that I am not able to do certain things.

 

Momma says,

'You are not disabled, you are differently abled',

But what she doesn’t know is that I feel invalidated because,

She is not recognizing that I'm not always able,

Even when I try, sometimes I am just disabled.


Some nights I am disabled from sleeping.
Anxiety creeps to my mind and has my wide awake body pinned to insomnia and tied down to racing thoughts that slip my sanity away.

But I ain't just disabled.

I am delightfully disabled because I painted Mona Lisa while trying hard to smile through the panic attacks that ate the night away.

 

Some days I am disabled from opting out of the show,

Because I breathe so hard and heavy that passerby's turn to see who’s winning the marathon, with a look that shows they think I am crazy.

Sitting in class is a nightmare because my emotions decide when it’s time to panic, and heck can my breathing get loud.

So I keep finding myself panicking that I might panic before class, making my mind run like a cheetah, and breathe sound like I am running away from it.

But I ain’t just mentally disabled.

I am mentally and delightfully disabled because I make my baby sister giggle since she thinks I am the greatest clown in the show.

 

Advertisements say,

'There is no disability other than a negative attitude'.

So does that mean if I am disabled I am a pessimist?

Let's get real,

This summer I was disabled from working at overnight camp and my attitude was as positive as emoticon smiley face laughing.

I shine with optimism throughout the day,

But I cannot go without the comfort of my own bed because black clammy claws keep reaching out at me making me quiver with terror and making me trace my steps until I stumble into front door of my house.

 

Society, TV, advertisements,

They all make it seem that if you,

Try as hard as Lance Armstrong who had it worse than you then you will succeed,

And no longer be terribly disabled.

But I know the truth they don’t say,

From trying so hard and giving all I have got and getting no results.

Coming from a disabled person who is doing everything she can,

That's a whole lot of inspiration and a whole lot of objectifying.

 

So keep your inspiration porn to yourself,

Just like Stella Young said in her Ted Talk,

Because I ain't nobody's gotta do, can do, must do, inspiring do, everything.

 

I am me, myself and I.

I am a disabled girl.

And if that makes you think I'll be your example of inspiration, or your comfort on cloudy days because I got it worse,

Than you got it wrong.

 

Because in my disability I find delight.

It shows me who is really there for me,

And got rid of false friendships,

It gave me a heck of a lot of messy emotions which resulted in,

Beautiful paintings, published articles, reccorded songs, and stronger friendships.

It brought me life experience and I have become a warrior with awards in red, white, and blue.

It brought me the opportunity to help and support those like me.

So if you think I'm that disabled girl,

I have something to say,

I am not just that disabled girl,

I am not an inspiration because of my disability,

I am not an inspiration in spite of my disability,

But because I find delight within the hardship of disability.

Want to know who I am?

I am delightfully disabled.

 
This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
Our world
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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