I am only me when I am you

I am a quiet

Person

Student

Girl

I am shy

I do not like to talk about myself

In front of strangers

I lose the ability to function

When there are more than three people I don't know

And I might have to make conversation

Because I might choke

Or say something weird

And even when I am with my friends

It sometimes feels like I do not quite fit in

I do not fit in anywhere

I am a chameleon

Blending in with the wall

The desk

The floorspace

And people say I am nice

And I am sweet

And I am funny

But would they really like me

If I took off my mask?

If I wasn't funny

Or kind

Or odd

When I am in  a play, those things don't matter

My father says I light up on stage

When I am somebody else

My sister says my smile is different when I am talking about theatre

And maybe they are right

I do not have to be somebody else when I am acting

I am my character

And that character is me

With the gestures and the facial expressions

That I have created

And it is finally something of my own

Not something to please whoever I am with

And I don't have to deal with conversation

Because somebody else has written it for me

But if that is true then do I have a real me?

Or am I only me when I am not me?